I'm repainting an old beat up wooden chair. What fabric would look nice? - Hannah T. Minneapolis, MN.

Hannah Banana,
Good thing you called The Hotline. You were potentially on the verge of making a very embarrassing chair-related mistake. This kind of emergency is right up there with not striking oil and slipping on banana peels. Luckily, I am a chair expert. A chairpert, if you will. We chairperts are a lonely breed, but we do have friends in  seating arrangements, sofas, futons, and toilets.
Think of all the hordes of neighbors, friends, relatives, acquaintances, in-laws, and that one weird lady who starts talking to you at the meat counter in the grocery store even though you don't really know her but you think she's the mom of that really quiet girl at school - you know the one who always has her eyes closed like she's thinking really hard, all of whom will come to your house purely to sit on your refurbished chair, which has been painted a fresh coat of glossy black, and has cozy lime green and cream swirly fabric...a refreshing change from the once bland forgotten wooden chair.

Thanks for calling The Hotline. You did yourself a great favor.
Good Luck with your new black green and cream seat. 

Another decision saved,
The Hotline Experts